stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
