I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
