i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
