and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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