So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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