I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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