this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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