I hate your face
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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