I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
