i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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