It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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