you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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