guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
