with your own penis?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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