I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
