ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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