we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
