I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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