I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
