): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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