okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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