1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
