this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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