oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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