just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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