new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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