Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my liver is dry heaving
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
