Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
