Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
