I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
