Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
