A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
