i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
