Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
