then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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