I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.