Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now