when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.