No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken