i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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