so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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