Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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