I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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