covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have post one night stand depression
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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