my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
