I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
