Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
