oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Still dying that you shit outside
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
