oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
