put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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