dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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