Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
