i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I intend to get homeless drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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