Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
