I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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