I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
