I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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