wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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