Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
