My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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