I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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