genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We left the knife in your bed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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