I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
