I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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